"Humor is All Around"
By Capt. Fred Davis
Published: Monday, September 27, 2010

People say and do the darndest things. Art Linkletter used to have a kids program with a similar title and as observed by many, kids did say the darndest things. As I see it, as those kids grew up, they didn’t change much.

Watching TV or listening to the radio you hear odd statements that could be called the darndest things. Game shows offer great examples; the host will ask a contestant, “Are you married?” to which they respond, “Yes, I’m married to my husband/wife and we have five children together.” Would that statement be as opposed to saying, “I’m married to the neighbor’s wife/husband and we have children that we rounded up in the neighborhood.”

Wouldn’t a proper answer be, “Yes, to a wonderful/ smart/ attractive guy/girl and we have five kids.” Some people actually do use this response. Of course no one would respond, “I have an ugly partner who is always yelling or drinking” even if that would be closer to the truth.

Another example is seen watching the game show “Minute to win it.” In some segments they have two people, usually opposite sexes, who do not know each other competing against the clock as a team. If they win — even the smallest amount, they grab each other and jump up and down or sometimes hug and kiss. Where do they find people who will carry on like that with perfect strangers?

TV news programs often allow us to witness the darndest statements like; Tony Hayward, BP’s top man (at the time) stating, “I want my life back.” Those words resonated with most people in the Gulf States. I’m certain a lot of people felt sorry for him and waited for him to say, “I’ll just give back the money I was paid to oversee the making of this disaster.” He went on to prove he should have done that since he had no memory of what occurred. When questioned by congressional delegates most of his responses were, “I don’t remember.” Did he expect the panel to believe he actually had lost his memory?

They could have then concluded, “This man has no recall and should be given his life back. We recommend his pay be withheld since it appears he knew nothing about the incident.”

I heard another great statement recently made by Fidel Castro, “Communism is not working.” Unfortunately a few days later he retracted that comment.

Radio shows entertain us with some weird statements.

The other day I heard a football coach quoted saying, “We’ll have to play well to win.” It sounded as if he had just had a revelation about why he had held all the practice sessions during pre-season. I also heard a news announcement about a number of homes that were being burnt up by fire. I suppose someone determined the homes were a total loss but the statement seemed odd; what else would have burnt them up?

At the end of a recent NASCAR race, the winner was doing his burn outs before entering the winners circle. The driver had not only won the race but had led the most number of laps. While waiting to interview the winner a commentator turned to a driver that had finished back in the pack with a question. The driver must have still been dizzy from all the left turns because when asked what he thought of the winning driver he responded, “Wow, Tony sure had a fast car.” Perhaps he had short peddles or flat tires on his car, but it would seem a fast car is what’s usually necessary to win the race.

Signs can say the darndest things also. Consider the one in a clothing store that announces, “New Styles.” Would that be instead of the “Old Styles” they have been selling for years? Signs in grocery stores can make one wonder also — how about the one that says, “Fresh, frozen fish.” Would that be instead of “Old, stale, frozen fish” that didn’t sell when it was fresh?

Why do you suppose they put a sign on a cooler in the liquor store reading, “Cold Beer?” Is that because they think a customer that’s had a few won’t realize the piled up cases of beer in the display on the floor are warm? One of my favorites is, “Fresh, baked bread.” Is there another way to create bread? A can that says the product inside is, “Just like homemade.” Does your wife put her home-prepared foods in a can?

I’ve made the above comments to point out that if you look, you can find humor in the darndest places.


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