People say and do the darndest things. Art Linkletter used
to have a kids program with a similar title and as observed
by many, kids did say the darndest things. As I see it, as
those kids grew up, they didn’t change much.
Watching
TV or listening to the radio you hear odd statements that
could be called the darndest things. Game shows offer
great examples; the host will ask a contestant, “Are
you married?” to which they respond, “Yes, I’m
married to my husband/wife and we have five children together.” Would
that statement be as opposed to saying, “I’m married
to the neighbor’s wife/husband and we have children
that we rounded up in the neighborhood.”
Wouldn’t a proper answer be, “Yes, to a wonderful/
smart/ attractive guy/girl and we have five kids.” Some
people actually do use this response. Of course no one would
respond, “I have an ugly partner who is always yelling
or drinking” even if that would be closer to the
truth.
Another
example is seen watching the game show “Minute
to win it.” In some segments they have two people, usually
opposite sexes, who do not know each other competing against
the clock as a team. If they win — even the smallest
amount, they grab each other and jump up and down or
sometimes hug and kiss. Where do they find people who
will carry
on like that with perfect strangers?
TV
news programs often allow us to witness the darndest statements
like; Tony Hayward, BP’s top man (at the time) stating, “I
want my life back.” Those words resonated with most people
in the Gulf States. I’m certain a lot of people felt
sorry for him and waited for him to say, “I’ll
just give back the money I was paid to oversee the making of
this disaster.” He went on to prove he should have done
that since he had no memory of what occurred. When questioned
by congressional delegates most of his responses were, “I
don’t remember.” Did he expect the panel
to believe he actually had lost his memory?
They
could have then concluded, “This man has
no recall and should be given his life back. We recommend
his pay be
withheld since it appears he knew nothing about the
incident.”
I
heard another great statement recently made by Fidel Castro, “Communism
is not working.” Unfortunately a few days
later he retracted that comment.
Radio shows entertain us with some weird statements.
The
other day I heard a football coach quoted saying, “We’ll
have to play well to win.” It sounded
as if he had just had a revelation about why
he
had held
all
the practice
sessions
during pre-season. I also heard a news announcement
about a number of homes that were being burnt
up by fire. I
suppose someone determined the homes were a
total loss but the
statement seemed odd; what else would have
burnt them up?
At
the end of a recent NASCAR race, the winner was doing his
burn outs before entering the
winners circle.
The
driver had
not only won the race but had led the most
number of laps. While waiting to interview
the winner
a commentator
turned
to a driver that had finished back in the
pack with a question. The driver must have still
been dizzy
from all the left
turns because when asked what he thought
of the winning driver
he responded, “Wow, Tony sure had a fast car.” Perhaps
he had short peddles or flat tires on his car, but it would
seem a fast car is what’s usually necessary
to win the race.
Signs
can say the darndest things also. Consider the one in a clothing
store that announces, “New Styles.” Would
that be instead of the “Old Styles” they have been
selling for years? Signs in grocery stores can make one wonder
also — how about the one that says, “Fresh, frozen
fish.” Would that be instead of “Old, stale, frozen
fish” that didn’t sell when
it was fresh?
Why
do you suppose they put a sign on a cooler in the liquor
store reading, “Cold Beer?” Is that because they
think a customer that’s had a few won’t realize
the piled up cases of beer in the display on the floor are
warm? One of my favorites is, “Fresh, baked bread.” Is
there another way to create bread? A can that says the product
inside is, “Just like homemade.” Does
your wife put her home-prepared foods
in a can?
I’ve
made the above comments to point out that if you look, you
can find
humor
in the darndest
places.